Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The world does not revolve around me Ah.....................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like i was so stuck and trapped and there is no way out.
Not that i can find one so far.
Is this the kind of life that we should have?
It seems that my life for next week is already planned out.
It goes pretty much the same for the following weeks, and there is nothing that seems to be interesting will be happening.
This kind of life always makes me wonder, whether life is destiny or determination?
If people ask me whether i can change something and make a difference in my everyday life, the answer will be yes. But i am already more grown up than i thought i will, and i limit my own choices. I become too coward and feel very convenient in my own comfort zone. My logical way of thinking always telling me that "It will be too much of a hassle and works, inconvenient, etc..." if i have the slightest thought of doing something unusual.
Is this what a grown up soul should be? Is this what grown ups called "living a stable life"? or is it living an easy life because we are too old for an adventure?
Why we are doing what we are doing? Do we have to come up with reasons?
I am not sure if i can tell you all of the reasons why i did what i did.
Maybe I'm gonna say that I'm doing what I'm doing for the sake of better future. Is it even true?
Life seems so long, we feel young and think that we have a whole lifetime to do what we want to.
We always try to keep our spirit, our dream quiet by telling ourselves that we still have time.
Do we really have the time?
Maybe it is just a good thing being young, when we can think like that. But if we get older, we will think about having a steady life and all of the thoughts that we have while we were young will be replaced by another dreams, like having a family, kids, and nice house with a garden.
Am i gonna end up having this kind of "dream life"?
I am gonna seems greedy if i already have all of these and do not feel satisfy. There are a lot of people out there that barely eat and have a proper house to live in. What I will feel guilty and just living this life, being a slave of our "dream life".Eugenie posted at 6:51 PM | 0 comments
Friday, April 11, 2008
0 Comments:
what an interesting day i felt so much better after taking a shower.
i love jasmine and vanilla scent dove soap. help me to soothe myself lil' bit.
maybe that's it which makes me love to take a shower at night. (hmm.. answering someone's question).
this is such a long day for me, but interesting one.
ok. this is gonna be a flashback story.
we were debating about the present of American flag in campus.
i never thought that this simple matter can bring such a huge deal to people with "hyper" patriotism.
actually we do have American flag in dining hall along with other countries' flags, but these people think that is not enough. they want the American flag to stand out alone in an obvious place in campus. i like it the way the do it now. put the American flag along with other countries' flags shown that America is also a citizen of this world, and equal.
apparently, some hyper patriotism Americans are not satisfied enough and make such a big fuss about it.
ok! let's see... what could an American flag in Hesston college, Kansas (in the middle of nowhere) do any good for America or this world? Is it gonna give any significance effects? What did these people think? Did they think that they're gonna make America win the war or what? I really do not understand this. and btw, this school is Mennonite school and not public school. even so we still get a funding from gov. they were also trying to stop the funding and threatened this school for not having a standing alone flag. can we call this blackmailing? hmm.. i think so. but since they're the gov. who regulated the law. then.. we won't do any good by telling them so.
I really think that this "stuck in the mud" people should go outside America and see that there are other countries and other things are going on outside the America. The world is not American wide. I really could not help this.
After getting tired thinking about this, with the whole "did not make any sense" things, i went off to Hutchinson for another MCC (Mennonite Central Committee) relief sale.
It took us (me and my friend) almost 2 hours of lost time in order to get there back and forth.
(I should admit that girls really can't read maps, but it's fun though).
Standing for 2 hours making the New year cookies is not a really fun thing to do very often. I found it very hard to walk properly afterward. hehe... but i think it was worth the effort.
despite the fact that i know how people deep fried them, the new years cookies taste soo... goooodd!
to my surprise, i met some people who know me and i know them. i met my host parents while i was in chorale spring break tour last time. i also met some elderly from Hesston too.
what a pathetic person i am. but, it just felt very nice when you go somewhere and at least you met someone that know you.
talk to my mom really makes me thing that i'm also getting "Eugenie" minded. when it seems that there is no other existing world outside of my little circle here. i lost the ability to consider other people's feeling. i did totally forget that this world and this life is not just about me all alone.
that is a big warning sign for me. Living here really challenge me in a good way as long as i do not lose my self. when i lost the main thing that supposed to be the main thing then i'm gonna lost my balance and i will really get LOST. I am not on the top of the world and i'm still gonna test my own limit and keep going without make my self to be such a waste.
i also need people so badly to keep me right in track and poke me when i get so proud and be a spoiled kid.
"I believe that life is about learning" (a smart learner will not fall in the same hole twice)
NB: thanks to God, that apparently we have more than a chance to redeemLabels: rainy days of spring'08- i love rain so much
Eugenie posted at 10:47 PM | 1 comments
Friday, April 4, 2008
1 Comments:
new year cookies apaan sih? aku ga mudeng bagian entry mu seng iku...
I find the answer Happiness is there. It goes nowhere.
Just take off your eyes covering and see every God's gifts around you.
It is better to be content with little that we have rather than always struggling for more.
It's like chasing the wind.
Everything has its own time, and everything will come in time too.
We do our best and the best thing that we can get is be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we live.
Wise men and foolish men will have the same end. It indeed seems useless for being wise or hardworking because we gain nothing in the end.
The difference between them is the process while they are living. It's like living in light is better than living in darkness. But the main thing is to keep the joy in everything that we do, which are gifts from God.
When you set up a purpose or an achievement that you want to make in your life, don't run in order to get there.
If you run, you won't get the chance to see everything around you, then you'll fail because you forget to consider people and things that out of your plan that lay around you.
If you run, and say that you make it there, there is no point that you get there because you are not happy for your whole life. You just get your happiness for a while when you get what you want and you forget what is that for. You lost the main thing.
God wants all people to eat, drink and be happy in their work which are gifts from God., that is the main thing.
Everything from God will last forever. That the way it is since the beginning and it will continue to be that way. What has happened will happen again.
"adapted from the bible"Labels: spring'08
Eugenie posted at 8:22 AM | 2 comments
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
2 Comments:
ecclesiastes ya ?
By
Timotius Wibowo, at April 4, 2008 at 10:44 AM
juz live and take the best way
time never back
just break through of all
happy
sad
that's the cycle
never end
just enjoy aja hahahaBy
, at April 5, 2008 at 11:26 PM
Dilemma What should you do if you are happy?
I think happiness is like a very fragile glass.
If you hold it tight and keep it so dearly,
then without realizing it; you are going to break it
and you will get hurt if the glass is broken.
just being in the present time and stop dreaming is a way out.
but it's not fun at all. It isn't living. I can't live without dreaming.
Dreaming what makes me surviving life.
I got through this article about the spiritual art of the sword, called "Impassive Understanding".
One of its teaching said:
Escaping from the threats.
We often think that the ideal attitude is that of giving one's life for a dream.
Nothing can't be further from the truth. But in order to achieve a dream, we need to preserve our life, and we must, therefore, know how to avoid those things that threaten us.
"The more we plan our steps, the more chance there is that we will go wrong, because we are failing to make into consideration four things : other people, life's teaching, passion, and calm.
the more we feel we are in control of things, the farther off we are from controlling anything. A threat does not issue any warning, and swift reaction cannot be planned like going to a movie to watch "Gerald Butler" in ps: i love you".
Therefore, if you want to be in harmony with your love or your fight, learn to react rapidly. Through educated observation, do not allow "your supposed experience of life" transform you into a machine. And listening to what your heart says is also important. Because it knows when to act and when to avoid.
Be adventurous sometimes will not kill you, except if you suddenly decide to climb a Himalaya mountain without any experience before. I think we still have the power of our brain to decide which things are making sense. See...!! common sense tu very2 important.
hmm.. it seems that i really need to study for my exam tomorrow. Writing this is fun but getting an A in an exam is also fun. So i won't miss both of them.
Good luck figuring life !!!Eugenie posted at 3:19 PM | 1 comments
Monday, March 31, 2008
1 Comments:
ga ngerti... mbulet menurutku iku... jelasno seng jelas singkat dan padat dong.
living sanctuary
Lord prepare me
to be a sanctuary
pure and holy
tried and true
with thanksgiving,
I'll be a living
sanctuary for you
It is you, Lord
Who came to save the heart and soul
of every man
It is you Lord
Who knows my weakness
Who give me strength,
with thine own hand
Lord prepare me
to be a sanctuary
pure and holy
tried and true
with thanksgiving,
I'll be a living
sanctuary for you
Lead me on Lord
From temptation
Purify me
From within
fill my heart with
you holy spirit
take away all my sin
Lord prepare me
to be a sanctuary
pure and holy
tried and true
with thanksgiving,
I'll be a living
sanctuary for youEugenie posted at 10:31 PM | 0 comments
Sunday, March 30, 2008
0 Comments:
serba international-include "international pain" hmm...
i'm so glad that finally the international2 (international festival and int. dance) events are done. they're driving me crazy lately- wearing kebaya was a pain.
but it's worth it though. I had tons of fun last night during the int.dance
I can't believe my self could feel so care free like last night. I enjoyed my self very much. Circumstances and people indeed bring differences in one's life, including the partners that i got for learning Salsa and Samba who are very very good. Thx to zef and fe-->i learnt a lot.
I also got my mission accomplished! teaching Jessie (the new and only best friend that i have here, who is very smart-thx God! i can't stand dumb person).
my definition of dumb = lack of common senses
Wow.. i was dead tired when i got to my room. Spent some times chatting w/ my Dad and talked quite a bit w/ si timot yg complain klo ni lagu di blogku ga bisa di off-in, made a comment for my picture that i look fat. i hope he'll read this too. he should learn what most women want to hear. the good thing is i'm not in the list of that "most women", so i still like his honest comments better. then should i concern that i really get fat? hmm... it's tough! Fatty foods taste so much better. And good for him that last night i found another reason for him to like himself more. vice versa, it's good for me he has tons of common senses that can straighten the way i think sometimes
Finally i'm done with my homework for tomorrow. Yup! just for tomorrow. There're still a lot of stuffs waiting for me. I found writing blogs like this is really enjoyable-even if it's in the midst of my tons of homework. I never though that i will love to write like this.
hate it so much, when i can't say it out loud what i think about something or someone. It's so annoying.
anyone who has ideas about what the world will look like in 20 years, please leave a comment or find a way to communicate the ideas w/ me. I need someone to have brainstorming so bad.Labels: rainy days of spring'08
Eugenie posted at 10:52 PM | 0 comments
Saturday, March 29, 2008
0 Comments:
Friday, March 28 - - I enjoy every part of my life and so do you Gloomy day..
I don't like it when my mood get swept away by the weather.
I'm so happy today is friday!! I love friday! and it means weekend already. I go to my class and enjoy it very much. I'm done with my unknown bacteria, which i'm very happy about. No more going to lab everyday to look for them.
My history class always turn out very interesting (even though it always interesting for me). I never love history like this much before. Now, i'm in the chapter "Age of anxiety". I find it very interesting how human thought could be changed extremely by a war (WW I- which happened because of proud and the arrogance of human being--> it merely a contest of weapons, who can produce a weapon that can kill the most is the winner, and actually the winer got nothing except debt).Isn't this very interesting story of human civilization? Are get more civilized by doing more war and kill more people?
The age of anxiety is the story after WWI. People seems to lose their hopes and it also give loss in other part of human life. It is very true that no one can live without hope or dream. People going crazy during this time. They craved for stability and they tried to make it; somehow in a very "interesting" way. I did read books and now abut the holocaust, which is also the biggest genocide in human history. But indeed, it's really different if you watch the movie and see the real pictures, it's really something beyond our imagination of what a human can do toward others.
hmm.. enough of history i guess. btw, i did cut people's hair tonight. hehe... i had a lot of fun. and they said they like it. so far neither of them complain to me. but i don't think that they will b/c they don't even pay me for cutting their hair, which my friend have tons of them so it takes like an hour to cut.
later on tonight i went to 2 art museum at the other town ( hesston has nothing that you can call downtown or qualified of being one-but still, i like this town so much, good for me huh?)
Does any of you like Picasso? If yes, please leave a comment which explained why you like them. B/c i never understand the "art" in it. I like impressionism type of art better.
Skipping in the middle of the road at night? Yes, we did it (my friends and I). A mid-aged guy walked pass us and make a comment "enjoy yourself,huh?"- nothing can be better, right?
You know what, your mind can take control of your feeling. You just have to practice little bit to be able to do that. I did it last night. I'm glad of my existence right here right now and i don't regret for what i chose and a good thing is i always find a way to enjoy it, because these are what myself is consist of. I always keep in mind that the main thing is to keep the main thing, main thing.
special thx to Lia for encouraging me to have this thingLabels: spring'08
Eugenie posted at 2:02 PM | 0 comments
0 Comments:
[ ME. ]
...about myself...
still have a long path to go
loving life and cheesecake
wandering outside the box
can't wait to go home
[ MUSIC. ]
collide - Howie day
cannonball - Damien rice
lost & home - michael buble
Boston Brass concert!!!
[ TAGBOARD. ]
